How to prevent redundancy

I wouldn’t write, “I used to teach for the English Department of English at Florida Atlantic University.”

 

Unfortunately, when it comes to writing, far too many people produce sentences that are pregnant with redundancy. They write as if they work for the Department of Redundancy Department.

 

Here are some Egregious Examples, with their sources and my corrections:

 

Wrong: All plants need the same basic care. They need sunlight, proper soil, moisture in the soil, humidity in the air, and the proper temperature. (article on plants)

Correct: All plants need the same basic care: the proper sunlight, soil, moisture, humidity and temperature.

 

Wrong: South Florida, already a densely populated area, is, without a doubt, one of the fastest-growing regions in the country, and with such tremendous growth comes a great increase in population. (article on nursing shortage)

Correct: South Florida, already densely populated, is one of the fastest-growing regions in the country.

 

Wrong: In order to acquire financing for your company, you need a well-written business plan. (ad in business magazine)

Correct: To acquire financing for your company, you need a well-written business plan. (Hint: Avoid using "in order.")

 

Wrong: If anyone is interested in joining this organization, they may call (561) 555-1234. (12 words; story on non-profit agency)

Better: Anyone interested in joining this organization may call (561) 555-1234. (9 words)

Best: To join this organization, call (561) 555-1234. (6 words; i.e., a 50 percent savings over the original version!)

 

Wrong: As I was growing up in Minnesota, I often visited an aunt in Minneapolis whose favorite color was red. (home-decorating column)

Correct: Growing up in Minnesota, I often visited an aunt in Minneapolis whose favorite color was red.

 

Wrong: If you’re in the process of designing a new home or renovating your current residence, pay special attention to the flooring. (21 words; column by an interior designer)

Correct: If you’re designing a new home or renovating your current one, pay special attention to the flooring. (17 words; designing or renovating a home is a process!)

 

Some Egregious Examples, from various sources, follow. You fix them.

 

Virginia Perez is a working mom and mother of two.

 

Before you decide to have a pool built in your own backyard, be sure to do your homework first.

 

I am in the process of buying a home.

 

The purpose of this letter is to confirm that this request to forward mail is correct.